Never Have I Ever: Hired a Dominatrix

Did you ever play “Never Have I Ever” in college? Here are the rules: Everyone puts up ten fingers, and you go around in a circle and one by one share something that you’ve never done (and as human nature goes, the experiences shared are usually sexual). If you’ve done it, you have to put one finger down, and of course, drink. The first person to put all 10 fingers down loses or wins, depending on how you look at it.

One day we all have to become grown-ups, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop playing Never Have I Ever, or better yet — checking things off your bucket list. AskMen is still playing, and the rules are simple: In each edition of this column, we speak to a couple about something they’ve always wanted to try in bed. They tell us about the fantasy, and why it turns them on. Then, they actually do it, and we get the lowdown on how the experience matched the fantasy.

While terms such as “BDSM,” “pro-domme,” and “sex dungeon” might conjure up imagery of whips and chains (and yes, those do get used), the largest sex organ is still the human brain. That means psychological domination can be just as intense, if not more so, than physical domination. That’s what Jack H. was hoping to experience during his first time with a pro-domme.

Within the world of BDSM, psychological domination refers to using words, hypnosis, and commands, either alone or coupled with physical sensation, to consensually bring the sub partner into a submissive space where they’re at the mercy of the dominant partner (in Jack’s case, his pro-domme).

After watching plenty of pro-domme porn, Jack finally decided to seek one out in real life. Before the popular sex-worker website Backpage was shut down, he found the domme of his dreams. That led to the discovery of his hypnosis kink, and while he experience was different from the porn he’d watched, it was in the best way possible.

Curious about what it feels like to be psychologically dominated? Read on to find out.

AskMen: What led you to seek out a pro-domme?
Jack H: I had been reading a lot and watching a lot of porn with a BDSM bent, and I sort of let it percolate for a while before I finally decided to pull the trigger, but I went through a bunch of ads and spent a lot of time fantasizing before I actually reached out to a pro-domme.

Do you identify as submissive?
I’m more a switch than anything else, but when I’m feeling subby, it’s a sort of pervasive thing for a while until that gets satisfied.

Had you watched pro-domme porn, or heard about experiences from friends?
Yes, I’ve been watching pro-domme porn since I was a kid. Not exclusively, but I’ve always been curious to some degree or another.

How did you find and select your domme?
It was sort of gradual. As I looked, the idea turned me on more, and the more it turned me on, the more I looked, and that made me get brave and more serious about it, which made me sort of look for someone who made me feel safe. and then called and did a long talk with her before I felt comfortable enough to finally set up a session. It was via Backpage, when that was a thing.

What about her appealed to you?
She was sexy, and lithe, and smart! And I could tell from the ad that she was smart and sensual.

How was your first session? How did it compare to the fantasy?It was legitimately great. Mistress was wonderfully patient, and I was very nervous, but in a good way. It was a little more nuts-and-bolts than the ethereal version of the fantasy, but it wasn’t a bad thing at all.

Are there particular submissive fetishes or kinks you were stoked to try?
I’m really, really into mindf—kery, so I was excited to try edging, and orgasm denial, and some general sensual submission with orgasm control. I’m also very into hypnosis and was able to incorporate that, as well as the physical edging.

Psychological domination and hypnosis are experiences that folks new to BDSM might not know about. People tend to assume it’s all whips and chains. Can you elaborate on what hypnosis with a domme is like?It’s submitting your mind completely, and letting someone else control it for a while. It’s amazing. Like, life-changing amazing. I like being out-thunk, and having my domme compelling me on a mental level to do as I’m told. If you get to the point where you allow the suggestions to land, they can make you feel anything you can conceive. So, for someone like me who’s an overthinker, it’s paradise. Because you just … obey.

Would you do it again? Both see her and enjoy the psychological domination?I would, I have, and I will.

Any tips for first-timers curious about seeking one out, such as what to expect and how to treat your domme?Don’t try and control the experience. Find someone who excites you, and submit to the best of your ability. Remember that it’s a muscle, and you have to work at it. Have fun. Do as you’re told.

https://uk.askmen.com/sex/naughty_sex/never-have-i-ever-hired-a-dominatrix.html