Although kink is becoming increasingly mainstream, most of it is still rooted in subcultures. And because these communities tend to have their own terms and definitions, reading about kink may leave you lost in the dark if you’re curious about exploring the subject. A fetish technically refers to an attraction to an inanimate object, although this includes body parts, such as feet (like a foot fetish). Kink means sexual activities that fall outside of sex that society traditionally considers acceptable. That can include everything from role-playing to Shibari to impact play. Have I lost you yet? To better orient yourself in the world of kink, check out this glossary Glamour created of 26 fairly common kink words—one for each letter of the alphabet, of course. Who knows? Maybe one (or more!) of them applies to you.
A is for Age Play
Age play is a form of role play in which one or both partners pretend to be (and get off on being) an age other than their own. A common example is "daddy dominant/baby girl." If you’re calling someone “daddy” in bed—or, perhaps more commonly, “baby”—you may already be engaging in light age play. Using these terms is totally OK if everyone involved is into it! “It involves consent of all involved,” explains sex therapist David Ortmann, author of Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities. A more “far out” example of age play is adult babies, in which one party enjoys wearing a diaper and role-playing as baby. If age play turns you on, start out slow by using words like "baby," or the very on-trend "daddy." B is for Bondage
Bondage is a form of restraint. It’s a sex act within the BDSM umbrella in which one partner is bound. Some people enjoy being tied up; some enjoy tying up their partner; and others like both. Someone who enjoys both the dominant and submissive role is referred to as a “switch.” Bondage uses kinky toys such as handcuffs or rope. You can tie someone up to a bed frame or, if your bed frame isn’t kink-compatible, you could start by simply binding the arms together. To up the ante, you can purchase shackle mounts or suspension bars.
C is for Cuckolding Traditionally, cuckolding is when a heterosexual couple agrees to both explore the turn-on of the female sleeping with other men and humiliate her male partner about the fact that she’s sleeping with someone else,” says sex educator Tina Horn, host of the podcast Why Are People Into That?!. The male partner need not be present—perhaps he gets off on his wife having unprotected sex with someone else. However, people of all genders and orientations can enjoy cuckolding varieties. If you’re turned on by the idea of your partner sleeping with others, yet don’t necessarily want to go through the emotional tax and health risk of them literally having unprotected sex with others, you can explore this kink through dirty talk. D is for Dominance Dominance is one half of the D/S (dominance and submission) equation. It falls within the web of BDSM, which itself is an acronym for “bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism.” The dominant partner derives sexual pleasure from taking control as part of the consensual power exchange that is D/S play. The submissive partner allows their dominant partner to, well, dominate them (some of this stuff is rather self-explanatory). And no, despite what 50 Shades of Grey would have you believe, there’s no research that suggests dominants enjoy D/S activities, such as spanking their partner, due to childhood trauma. And nope, you do not have to sign any sort of contract—all you need is enthusiastic consent.
E is for Electrostimulation Electrostimulation is harnessing the power of electricity for kinky, sexy fun. Getting shocked can be dangerous, so electrostimulation begins to get into edge play, which refers to risky BDSM behavior that runs a potential of actual bodily harm. Electrostimulation is part of CBT ("cock and ball torture") sessions in which a domme shocks her sub’s genitals by rigging them to electrical contraptions—typically either a wand (see "Z" on this list) or a system that stimulates nerve-endings called a "transcutaneous electrical nerve endings stimulation" unit—that can be purchased from specialty kink shops. This is one of those preferences for which you need to be extremely careful to take the correct safety precautions.
F is for Foot Fetishism Foot fetishes are one of the most common fetishes out there, especially for heterosexual men. Someone with a foot fetish could potentially get off on everything feet. They often want to engage in foot worship, in which they treat their partner’s foot like a holy object: kissing, caressing, and massaging it. Even if you don't have one, having a partner with a foot fetish can be extremely enjoyable as it means there are potentially foot massages galore in store for you. Humiliation can also play a strong role in a foot fetish: The fetishist may want feet shoved in their face, mouth, or to have their partner walk all over them, touting how filthy their feet are and how pathetic the fetishist is to enjoy such an activity. Other foot fetish activities include giving pedicures and smelling the feet or shoes that said feet reside in throughout the day.
G is for Gagging Gagging refers to lightly choking on an object to the point of making gagging sounds. Often people with penises will get off on their partner gagging on them—and the knowledge that they’re big enough to induce gagging noises. Likewise, the partner going downtown may enjoy having something thrust far enough down their throat that they start to gag. It doesn't necessarily take a giant object to induce gagging—something smaller can do the trick, too. However, if gagging becomes uncomfortable or if you feel like you’re going to throw up (if that's not something you want to do), remember that you should stop at any point you feel even a little bit off. Remember, kink is all about consent and what makes you feel your sexiest.
H is for Humiliation Not all BDSM acts are physical. “Intense language as a use of force can be just as intense (or even more intense) as consensually degrading physical sensations, such as impact play,” Horn says. A common example of humiliation is name-calling and verbal abuse. One of the most common misconceptions about humiliation play is that it's anti-feminist. But the truth is, many feminists enjoy being called names such as “bitch,” “slut,” or “whore” in bed. Remember to discuss such activities beforehand and keep it consensual. That way, it’s feminist AF to engage in such play. In a patriarchal world where women have long been told sex is just to make babies, addressing what gets you off—especially if it’s non-traditional like humiliation—and then engaging it can be a powerful way to take control of your sexuality.
I is for Impact Play
Impact play refers to the use of hands, paddles, whips, or whatever you have around your house (spatulas work great) to hit the body. Impact play, more than anything else, requires consent and communication. If you’re the one providing the impact, stick to areas that are fatty, such as the side of the butt or thighs, and avoid anywhere organs reside, such as the kidneys (lower back) or rib cage. Start small, slow, and choose a safe word. It’s a good idea to begin with hands and spanking before spending money on whips and floggers. Impact play can be done alone, yet also pairs well with other kinks, such as name-calling and age play. If anything becomes uncomfortable (and not in a good way), implement your safe word immediately.
J is for Japanese Bondage Japanese bondage is one variety of bondage that is typically done with rope. “Kinbaku” translates to “the beauty of tight binding” and “Shibari,” which you may have heard of, translates to “decoratively tie.” "Decoratively" is right: Japanese bondage such as Shibari is an art form in addition to a form of bondage. Some of the best Shibari artists, such as Garth Knight, hold high-art showcases in which their subjects are tied up and transformed into trees. If you’re interested in exploring Japanese bondage, More Shibari You Can Use: Passionate Rope Bondage and Intimate Connection by Lee Harrington and Rigger Jay is perfect for beginners. Just don’t forget your safety shears!
K is for Klismaphilia
Klismaphilia is a glamourous Greek word that means "arousal by enemas." Specifically, it generally refers to receiving pleasure from receiving an enema, although there are those who get off on administering them as well. Emenas can be terrifically useful. It's a medical device that squirts water slightly warmer than body temperature into your anus. It's used by hospitals to relieve people of constipation or to prep for certain medical procedures. Since kinky people tend to be quite creative, and the anus is an erogenous zone, freaky folks have been using enemas for pleasure forever. The enema's basic use is to clean and prep the rectum for anal sex—common practice among porn performers.
L is for Limits Consent is paramount in kink.
If you’re just getting started, or want to slowly introduce BDSM into an existing relationship, both you and your partner should make a list of your soft and hard limits. A soft limit is something that you’re curious about yet unsure if it’s right for you, such as name-calling. A hard limit is something that you are certain is off-limits, such as electrostimulation. Writing out your hard and soft limits with a partner is a wonderful way to get to know another side of one another. Along with implementing limits, it's important to choose a safe word that is not “no” or “stop,” because some couples use such language as a part of their role play. You can always adjust your hard and soft limits the more you explore, so it’s better to lean on the safe side when pondering and discussing what feels right. Always keep in mind that your kinks may not perfectly align with your partner’s, and that’s OK. “Just because you want it doesn’t mean that someone has to do it,” Horn says. Kink is about consent, communication, and compromise.
M is for Masochism
Masochism is deriving pleasure from the high sensation most often referred to as pain, be that physical or emotional,” Ortmann says. If you enjoy spanking, humiliation, or getting spit on, you might be a masochist. The term is named for Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, a 19th century Austrian author who wrote the book Venus in Furs, which details what's now considered a typical BDSM "master/slave" relationship (he allegedly was the "slave" in his own such arrangement with his mistress). The flipside of masochism is sadism (named after the 18th century French nobleman), in which someone derives pleasure from inflicting pain of a physical or emotional nature.
N is for Nylons A nylon fetish commonly accompanies a foot fetish. One with a nylon fetish may enjoy the look and feeling of toes, feet, and legs wrapped tightly in nylon stockings. They may want to smell the nylons, or have them shoved in their mouth. The latter use is a terrific way to shut someone up if you’re into BDSM. Have the dominant partner tie you up to the bed and shove stockings in your mouth, or use them as a blindfold for sensory deprivation. Nylons can also be used (if you don’t mind the likelihood that you’ll ruin them for wear) to tie one another up as a form of bondage. While bondage is a kink, using nylons for bondage is separate than having a nylon fetish, in which the nylons themselves produce the sexual arousal, rather than their usage.
O is for Objectum Sexuality
Objectum Sexuality refers to a sexual relationship (or attraction to) an inanimate object.
The media frequently portray objectum sexuals as freaks and weirdos falling in love with things such as the Eiffel Tower, a boat, or their couch. However, such an understanding of “objectum sexuality” is limited. By literal definition, a fetish—any fetish—is an attraction to an inanimate object. This includes lingerie, feet, and sex toys. In fact, in the age of rapidly-advancing sex doll technology, we're all a little bit engaged in objectum sexuality—and becoming more so all the time. Such perspective is crucial because it helps us understand and empathize with those who do catch feelings for boats, because kink-shaming sucks.
P is for Pregnancy Fetishism Aside from the fact that orgasms and having sex near a due date may help induce labor, there are also those with outright pregnancy fetishes: sexual attraction to a pregnant person. Some partners may indeed discover they have one when their partner is expecting, but others are attracted to the rotund pregnant belly regardless of whose body or baby it is. Since, by that same strict definition mentioned before, a fetish is attraction to an object or body part, pregnancy fetishists go wild for the sight of a swollen, round belly. The attraction may also include an interest in lactation, or other symptoms of pregnancy, but such is not required.
Q is for Quirofilia
Hands are sexy. They're used for myriad sexy things, like the underrated handjob, fingering, and back massages. A specific fetish for hands is referred to as "quirofilia," which may manifest as an attraction to fingers, a great manicure, or simply some smoking hot hands. While quirofilia can absolutely use handjobs, fisting, or fingering (use of hands to directly create sexual pleasure) some hand fetishists might get off on hands doing mundane tasks, such as picking up groceries or doing chores. While fetishes are inherently sexual, many times the activity or object the fetishist is interested in may present itself as nonsexual in nature. What’s one person’s chore, such as washing dishes, is a hand fetishists’ wet dream.
R is for Roleplay Make-believe and playing dress-up does not have to end when you grow up. Role-playing is when people take on characters outside of their day-to-day lives as part of a sex scene. Common examples include doctor/patient (medical roleplay), boss/secretary, or pool boy/rich housewife. And who can forget the classic: schoolgirl/professor? While role-playing often comes with costumes and is a fabulous excuse to dress up, costumes are not required. Scenes can be created through dirty talk and pure imagination. Feel free to use role-playing to tap into alter egos or your favorite fictional characters. Daenerys and Jon Snow, anyone?
S is for Spectrophilia
Especially if you’re a straight woman, it’s been a tough year to get into humans. Those with spectrophilia report a sexual attraction, relationships, or sexual encounters with ghosts who come and have hot sex with them at night. A succubus is a ghost in lady-form that, in folklore (or a spectrophilia fantasy), visits her object of desire at night for some hot human/ghost lovemaking. An incubus is the male variety (and also that band). Though the actual existence of ghosts is up for debate (and for excellent Halloween movie marathons), the sexual attraction that spectrophiles report feeling is as real as any other fetish. Kind of puts a whole new twist on the term "friendly ghost," though, right?
T is for Tentacles You can’t have sex with an actual octopus or octopus-like monster—octopuses are animals and therefore cannot give consent. But octopus-like monsters totally exist in tentacle porn, which you can absolutely watch and get off on. It’s hot, not only because it’s so foreign and forbidden but, according to some experts, because it fulfills some pretty classic other fantasy tropes, like bondage and multiple penetration. And if your ideal penis is actually a giant blue tentacle, the sex toy manufacturer Bad Dragon just may help you fulfill your monster fantasies.
U is for Urophilia
Urophilia is a fancy name for watersports, golden showers, or the more direct name, pee play. That is, it's people who find urination sexually arousing. There are lots of things you can do with urine, though the most common way to enjoy pee is to give or receive golden showers. (Remember that Sex and the City epsiode?)
A golden shower is, well, letting someone shower you (or vice versa) with their pee. Depending on how well-hydrated you are, it’s often golden-colored in nature. I’ll stop: you know what pee looks like. The term experienced a brief popularity in early 2017, when reports of an unverified dossier detailing that President Trump engaged in the act may exist, in case you were wondering why it sounded familiar.
V is for Voyeurism A voyeur is someone who derives sexual pleasure from watching others get it on. When we speak about voyeurism from a kink perspective, we’re talking about consensual voyeurism. Exhibitionists enjoy being watched, and voyeurs enjoy watching, and such exchanges are not uncommon at sex parties or kink events. Things become more confusing in everyday life, because Peeping Toms are decidedly not OK. “It’s really hard to apply consent here, because we do this all the time [when we watch] someone we’re attracted to,” Ortmann says. If you have voyeuristic fantasies, make sure you’re indulging them consensually with willing exhibitionists. That way everyone wins (and gets off).
W is for Whip
Whips are tools used for impact play. You’ll often hear BDSM practitioners refer to sensations as either “sting-y” or “thud-y"—the latter describing a toy like a paddle. "Whip" is used as an umbrella term for all impact play tools, though it technically refers to an item with a thinner body that produces more of a “sting-y” sensation.
The most advanced whip on the market is the single-tail, which looks like a snake and can create a cracking noise when used correctly. Single-tails break the skin and can wrap around the body, injuring areas where organs reside and should only be used by professional dominatrices with years of experience. Even some pro dominatrices will only use them for intimidation, rather than actually impacting their submissive's body.
X is for waX Play Candle lighting is fantastic mood lighting, but you can also use the melted wax for painfully good sexual pleasure. Lamps can’t do that! Be careful with fire and watch out for a light burn with wax play. But playing with fire (and wax) is dangerous, so it's a good thing the sex toy industry has our backs (or boobs— wax can be dripped on the entire body). There are candles that exist to burn at a temperature perfect for bodies, so you don’t have to worry about accidental ouchies. Massage candles also exist, such as Jimmyjane Afterglow. These come in delightful scents such as bourbon or dark vanilla. As the candle burns, the wax turns into massage oil. Enjoy.
Y is for Yoni Egg
A yoni egg is an egg-shaped device worn inside of the vagina typically as part of pelvic floor exercises. They can be quite beautiful—the sexual wellness company Chakrubs sells them in crystals such as rose quartz, jade, and black obsidian. There's also a spiritual element involved for many yoni egg users, particularly since they involve crystals. There's some debate over whether there are health risks associated, so make sure you read up on whether this is something you want to incorporate as part of your Kegel routine. A yoni egg is inserted inside the vagina as the pelvic floor muscles tighten their grip to hold the egg in place. Strong pelvic floor muscles can make sex feel better and orgasms more powerful.
Z is for Zappers A “zapper” is a cute nickname for an electro-wand that is used as part of electrostimulation. They typically look like a magic wand that Harry Potter would use, except they're used to send shocks to the body. Zappers are frequently used as part of D/S play in which the dominant shocks the subs. Though it sounds scary, zappers feel like a little sting, but it is still 100-percent OK if they’re on your hard-no limit list. You can still be kinky and cool without zappers—I’d be shocked (shocked!) if they didn’t scare you a teeny bit.
5 motivi per sperare di essere scelto come schiavo da Sua Signoria Miss Goldy Punto primo: Pieno controllo La mia esistenza sarà dipesa da Miss Goldy. Qualsiasi mia decisione al di fuori del ambito lavorativo sarà visionata dalla Miss, qualsiasi spesa economica extra, uscite con amici, cene fuori e birra al pub, andare a trovare mia madre, farmi venire a trovare a casa da famigliari e amici. Punto due: Devozione assoluta Non avrò nessuna donna al di fuori di Miss Goldy, nessun tipo di relazione fisica o mentale. L'unica donna al di fuori della Domina che potrò sentire sarà solo mia madre. Il resto della popolazione femminile è come se non esistesse più per me. Punto tre: Lealtà e onesta Sarò sempre e per sempre leale ed onesto, non dirò mai bugie a sua Signoria Miss Goldy, qualsiasi problema, dubbio o paura verrà subito esposta alla Domina con trasparenza e sottomissione. Punto quattro: Disciplina Sarò realmente plasmato ed educato alla sua volontà, ucciderò l'uomo che è in me per nascere come suo pupazzo pezza da piedi, supererò qualsiasi mio limite per il piacere di Miss Goldy. Qualsiasi pratica dolorosa , degradante , umiliante sarà per me un grande onore. Punto cinque: Castità Non potrò mai più avere un intimità privata senza il prezioso permesso di sua Signoria Miss Goldy. Non avrò nessun modo per arrivare al coito. Mai più masturbazione. La supplico realmente in ginocchio con la fronte a terra in mezzo una piazza stracolma di gente per concedermi una piccolissima possibilità di poter intraprendere questo fantastico e doloroso sogno... tornare a sorridere, tornare ad essere felice Miss Goldy.
Arrivare al Bdsm per il solo sesso estremo è uno spreco di tempo... Di persone perverse che hanno voglia di cavalcate sessuali, di schiaffoni sul culo, di orgasmi da urlo o sperma ovunque il mondo è pieno... Ma, quel senso di Devozione e cura che solo un rapporto Bdsm sa offrire, è cosa per pochi. È un rapporto direttamente proporzionale all'offrirsi e all'essere educato e protetto. Non siete schiavi perché vi fate scopare a novanta e non siamo Mistress solo perché lasciamo qualche segnetto rosso sulla pelle... Si diventa Padrona e schiavo quando il desiderio di cura e protezione è alimentato dalla sottomissione consapevole e viceversa...
When you're a kinky person, spanking is a part of your life. As a member of the BDSM community, you've definitely got opinions and personal preferences when it comes to getting spanked. Kink loving subs? We love it! Bring on the bare hand or the paddle or the flogger and let the spanking begin! Doms/dommes? They love it too, albeit it for very different reasons. You might love getting beaten during your kinky sex, but that doesn't mean you've sat around and thought about what spanking during sex has to do with your brain. In fact, while your brain might be working overtime helping you get your kinky freak on, chances are you aren't pondering its chemical mysteries while enjoying spanking during sex. Luckily, that's where I, a professional kinky pervert, can be of some use. Here's what exactly is going on in your mind when you're enjoying a nice session of spanking with your dom/domme:
1. Endorphins are released.
When you are in a subspace (ie: the transcendent feeling of being at the whim of your dom/domme) it is because loads of endorphins are being released into your brain. Endorphins bind to opiate receptors in our brains to naturally relieve pain. So when he spanks you and it sends a thrill right through your whole body, you aren't just turned on, your brain is expelling chemicals designed to make you feel floaty and high AF. Nice.
2. Cortisol levels increase. Cortisol is a chemical that we associate with stress. In fact, when you're stressed out, your body actually produces more of the stuff. However, having more cortisol in your system is not necessarily a bad thing — especially not when we're talking about subspace. In fact, studies show that subs traditionally have a rise in cortisol, though they report feeling LESS stressed. It's more proof that for people whose kink is feeling pain, there is a real disconnect between physical reality and emotional reality.
Interestingly, for doms/dommes, studies found that their cortisol levels lowered and they also reported that they felcalmerlm after an encounter with their sub. It is fascinating how brain chemistry can work the same way for everyone but manifest in such different ways. It really reaffirms how important knowing yourself and your kinks is.
3. Blood flow redirects.
One study decided to perform an interesting test on BDSM couples after a BDSM session. The researchers performed a Stroop test—a neuropsychological assessment commonly used to detect brain damage — before and after a scene. It turns out that subs do much worse on this test, while doms/dommes show no difference at all. The scientists inferred that the reason subs performed poorly on this test after a BDSM encounter is because their blood flow had been redirected from higher levels of thinking to lower levels of functioning. So that animalistic, dopey, high feeling you ride when you're in subspace? It actually exists and it makes you very bad at tests, apparently.
4. Classical conditioning takes hold.
You know that whole "Pavlov's dog" thing where eventually the aforementioned dog would just start salivating every time the bell was rung because he associated it with receiving food?
So, if you know that being good and taking your spanking means that you will be rewarded and praised by your dom, your body will preemptively respond to the act of spanking itself.
5. Operant conditioning takes hold.
Operant conditioning is the exact opposite of classical conditioning.
Let's say you show up to get spanked and your partner discovers that you aren't wearing the white cotton panties they prefer you to wear for spankings. Punishment? No spanking for you. It's practically a guarantee that you won't ever show up without those panties again. It's all about punishment and reward.
It is important to know all of this information about what happens to your brain when you are spanked during sex, especially since we live in a culture where liking anything other than vanilla sex can make you feel ashamed or embarrassed. The reason you like this stuff is, in part, because of your biochemical makeup! It doesn't get more straightforward than that. https://www.informationng.com/2017/06/really-happens-brain-chemistry-get-spanked-sx.html
Vi auguro di non perdere mai la speranza. E qualsiasi cosa voi stiate aspettando, giunga presto da voi. Che siano persone, sorrisi, o abbracci. Che possiate anche voi essere felici, e condividere la gioia, l'emozione di trascorrere tutti insieme questo Natale.
Le persone hanno questa idea del BDSM pieno di stereotipi, come su qualunque altra cosa al mondo.
Se una cosa non funziona per te non la devi per forza fare, quello che ti piace fare o non fare non ti rende migliore o peggiore degli altri.
Bisogna fare quello che piace e che ci da conforto. Non ci sono regole e regolamenti, ma ci sono dei principi importanti come il consenso, la comunicazione e l'onestà.
Non è una religione dove c'è un libro che detta tutte le regole. Vivi le cose man mano che le provi.
